The Democrats kicked off their debate season with strong showings from both Hillary Clinton and Bernie Sanders. Technically, there were other candidates there as well but, meh. (Martin O'Malley, Jim Webb, and Lincoln Chafee if you must know) These are some of the best moments we could make fun of. Enjoy! (Please remember to subscribe at www.youtube.com/newsynews)
For those wanting to just read what we said, the script is below:)
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COLD OPEN:
ADAM: Last night was the first 2016 Democratic Primary Debate and we really got a chance to
get to know the candidates.
JACKIE: Bernie Sanders hates rich people, Hillary may regret a few of her past votes and Jim
Webb really wants to stand up for the rights of debaters to have equal speaking time (SUPER
CUT OF TIME COMPLAINTS)
ADAM: He reminds me of someone.
JACKIE: Frankenstein?
ADAM: No. (ROLL STAPLER CLIP)
JACKIE: I'm Jackie Koppell
ADAM: I'm Adam Hammer.
JACKIE: This is Newswired.
TITLES
JACKIE: If you missed the debate last night, or the 6 hours of incessant post-debate analysis,
here are some of the highlights.
ADAM: Up first, Hillary's emails.
A& J: Oooooooh.
(ROLL SUPERCUT) Bernie saying enough, Chafee meandering through answer, Hillary saying
"No"
JACKIE: Do we care about her emails?
ADAM: I'd rather pierce my own head than hear the term "Hillary Clinton's emails" ever again.
JACKIE: I'd rather go to drinks with Bill Cosby than hear about her emails ever again.
ADAM: I'd rather vacation in Syria.
JACKIE: I'd rather eat popcorn while watching the imaginary video Carly Fiorina described.
(ROLL GOP VIDEO)
ADAM: Well, now that Bernie finally brought up what a non-issue these emails are, maybe the
Republicans will move on.
JACKIE: Not likely. Hillary's following that old saying keep your friends close and your enemies
closer.
ADAM: And laugh at everything they say.
(Hillary laughing at Bernie Sanders supercut.)
ADAM: O'Malley seconded Bernie Sanders on his plans reminding us all that he implemented
these plans as Mayor of Baltimore and Governor of Maryland. (ROLL CLIP: 9:58)
ADAM: Please don't follow O'Maley's course of action. He was mayor of Baltimore from
1999-2007.
JACKIE: HBO's The Wire ran from 2002-2008.
ADAM: That was a show about what a horrible, despicable, corrupt place Baltimore is.
JACKIE: That was the whole plot! One of the most popular cable series ever was just about
what a terrible place Baltimore is.
ADAM: Please don't make this country Baltimore.
JACKIE: O'Malley, you should take any money you still have in your campaign funds and give it
to Baltimore.
ADAM: Just drive down the streets throwing money out the window. I'd suggest a bullet proof
car.
JACKIE: You owe it to Baltimore.
ADAM: Bernie Sanders was able to lay out his entire platform in one line. (ROLL CLIP 10:02 -
"Wall Street Regulates Congress")
ADAM: Wall Street Regulates Congress. If Bernie doesn't make it to the White House, he's got a
bright future in the Bumper sticker industry.
JACKIE: Hillary let us know her history in supporting working class families.
(ROLL CLIP: I represented Wall Street as a senator in NY and I basically said "cut it out")
JACKIE: The old "cut it out" plan. Reminds me of when Lincoln told Jefferson Davis "knock it
off!" And freed the slaves.
ADAM: Or when Truman told the Japanese "Not cool, bro!" and ended WWII.
JACKIE: Nobody chastises better than the grandma in chief.
ADAM: Sorry, we forgot to mention Chafee, just like he forgot to read the Glass Steagall act
before voting for it. (ROLL CLIP 10:07)
END CARD
