Ronnie Jackson may be long gone, but apparently there is no shortage of lying sycophants to take his place.
As we discussed here, our oldest sitting "president" had a physical that lasted around 5 hours this week, and he has to go back for a follow-up colonoscopy, but that didn't stop Trump from once again bragging about the quack doctor who took Jackson's place on the so-called results from his latest exam.
Thankfully, for what's left of the sane among us, late night host Jimmy Kimmel had a field day this Monday with both Trump and his new doctor.
KIMMEL: The results are in for President Trump's annual physical exam, and guess what? He's in excellent health.
Of course he is. He eats right, he avoids unhealthy foods, diet soda, he manages stress. He doesn't hang on to anger. He gets a good night's sleep. He limits his time on social media.
He spends lots of time with loved ones and gets plenty of exercise getting in and out of that golf cart, and he's got a body like Brad Pitt to show it.
This is some report.
"His active lifestyle continues to contribute significantly to his well-being. He stays fit thanks to frequent victories in golf events."
Which reminds me, congratulations to President Trump on winning The Masters this weekend.
This is, this is Trump's doctor, the guy who wrote this up, Navy Captain Sean Barbabella. He is, that's, that's also the face he made when Trump dropped his pants in the examination.
Doctor Barbabella claims that Trump is 6'3, which he is not. He weighs 224 pounds.
Just for comparison, Green Bay Packers quarterback Jordan Love is 6'4, 219 pounds. Honestly, it's difficult to tell them apart.
This one's even better. This is Baltimore Ravens linebacker Kyle Van Noy, 6'3, 255 pounds.
I don't know. Maybe they just weighed Trump's head. The doctor said Trump's BMI is 28. Right. And so is his next wife, by the way.
It's really something else because, the same group of people who think Anthony Fauci is a liar and want him arrested hear that Donald Trump, a person they can see with their own eyes, weighs 224 pounds, they go, finally, an honest doctor.
After his physical, Trump gave his own medical update to reporters on Air Force One.
REPORTER: Did they give you any suggestions or advice on anything you need to change up?
TRUMP: A little bit, but overall I think I'm in very... I felt I was in very good shape. Good heart. A good soul. Very good soul.
KIMMEL: A very, very good soul. How do they measure that? I assume rectally... is it?
And then Trump bragged about how he aced the rudimentary cognitive test.
TRUMP: I took, I wanted to be a little different than Biden. I took a cognitive test, and I don't know what to tell you other than I got every answer right.
REPORTER: Can you tell us about the cognitive test? Is that man, woman, person, camera, TV?
TRUMP: It's a, I think it's a pretty well-known test, whatever it is, I got everyone. I got it all right.
KIMMEL: I could pick out any lollipop I wanted.
But who talks like this? Who? What did that man's parents do to him?
TRUMP: I've taken the cognitive test, I think 4 times and I've done... I've got nothing wrong. That's what the American people want, right?
KIMMEL: That's right. That's what we want.
We're very proud of you, Mr. President. I'm very proud of you.
I would love to administer one of those tests to you myself, so we can all watch you ace it live on television.
We'd all love to see that as well.
