Oh, those silly Palins, just punching and kicking and playing drunk Mama Grizzly with their fellow Wasilla pals. The police report on their nasty little brawl on Todd Palin's birthday was just released, and it's full of details we could only get a taste of in the initial reports.

The Smoking Gun summarizes the report, including the part where they were ready to start smacking everyone all over again:

The “angry and intoxicated” Track told cops that “some guys were talking rudely to his sisters, making them cry.” He claimed that the family decided to leave the party. But as they were departing, Track added, a friend of his was sucker punched and knocked to the ground.

“Track said he then confronted one of the guys and said he would fight him, so Track took off his shirt to fight,” a cop reported. However, Track claimed, he was also attacked from behind by a quartet of “skinny white males.”

As his son spoke to police, Todd Palin interjected that when the family’s friend was attacked from behind, “everything escalated and it was a situation they couldn’t walk away from.” The reports do not include notes of any police interview with Sarah Palin.

Witness Brian Horschel said that during the party, Track Palin tried to “start a fight with his dad, Todd.” Horschel, 38, said that he was “about to step in” until he “found out that it was Todd’s son that was trying to fight him.”

At one point, while police were interviewing partygoers, Todd Palin confronted Klingenmeyer and asked the host if “he called his daughter a ‘bitch.’” Willow Palin then approached and “also got involved flipping [Klingenmeyer] off and getting loud.” Officer Ruth Adolf noted that, “We eventually separated everyone and the Palin family ended up leaving.”

Another witness, Matthew McKenna, told police that “about four unknown guys then jumped on Todd,” and that Track “jumped in and was fighting with the people that jumped his dad.” McKenna said that he “told Todd to get his ‘crew,’ get into the limo and leave.” He added, “Nobody listened and yet another fight started.”

McKenna said that “the problem was that Bristol and Willow were drunk as were their boyfriends.” McKenna added that after Bristol punched the party host “in the face six times,” a “bunch of wives tackled her ass.”

An “extremely agitated” Willow Palin told an officer that the party host had assaulted her sister and that “several guys were on top of her sister when she was on the ground.” Willow claimed that “an older lady” pushed her, and that “people were saying things like ‘Fuck the Palins.’” (13 pages)

This soap opera needs a theme song, don't you think?

Image Credit: DonkeyHotey

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