Now, if you remember properly, the last time we were all in Austin, Texas, fighting for our constitutionally guaranteed rights as women, the Republicans repeatedly told us that their plan to close abortion clinics in Texas was not about abortion but about women’s health and safety.

We knew at the time that was caca del toro. And we were right.

Called “The Texas Heartbeat Bill,” this sucker would outlaw abortions as soon as a fetal heartbeat can be detected.

“A person may not knowingly perform or induce or attempt to perform or induce an abortion on a pregnant woman with the specific intent of causing or abetting the termination of the life of the unborn child if it has been determined, in accordance with Section 171.103, that the unborn child has a detectable heartbeat,” the bill states.

That can be six weeks – before a woman even knows she’s pregnant.

The bill was introduced in the current special session by State Rep. Phil King, a very creepy man who may eat babies when nobody is looking. He’s kind of a prissy guy, too. I don’t like him and always will.

Now you might ask yourself how can a doctor detect a fetal heartbeat at 6 weeks pregnant. You, of course, use a phallic shaped instrument called a transvaginal probe. Not you, actually, because you’re not that weird. But, somebody does and my theory is that Phil King wants it to be him. Look at that man, Sister. There’s something wrong with him.

So, if Phil King wants to be known henceforth as Probe King, I think he should be required to carry one of these suckers around at all times on the house floor with that grin on his face. He can use it as a pointer, a pretend weapon if gun play breaks out, or something to shove in his ear. I do not care, but he should have to remind every woman in Texas what he personally wants to do to us.