After being informed that Republican candidate Mitt Romney had lost the presidential election, billionaire Mr. Burns admitted it was time to explain the looming “fiscal cliff” to America.

“Think of the economy as car, and a rich man as the driver,” Mr. Burns explained. “If you don’t give the driver all the money, he’ll drive you over the cliff. It is just common sense.”

“Furthermore, rich people feel things more deeply than the common man,” he added, showing a clip of depressed and suicidal billionaires following Romney’s defeat.

Mr. Burns also announced his new “progressive” immigration plan, which consisted of allowing 200 Irishmen into the country each year and speaking in broken Spanish.