Dear Ann Coulter:

No matter how tempting it might be, we're not going to be mean-spirited and all schadenfreude over your recent jaw wiring, like some people who are celebrating the fact that it apparently will shut you up for awhile.

For one thing, we've had friends who've had their jaws wired shut and it's a singularly unpleasant experience we wouldn't wish on anyone, not even miserable excuses for humanity for whom it might be a small piece of karmic justice. Getting your meals through a straw for months on end really, um, sucks.

And besides, we're not so foolish as to suppose that this will actually silence you. After all, you're at least as well known for the hateful, crazy crap you write as for the hateful, crazy things you say.

My guess, in fact, is that being denied a verbal outlet for your venom, you'll just pack that much more crazy into your writing. We can hardly wait.

In the meantime, we do hope that all that money you're making from in far-right investment scams is helping to pay for all this ...

Love, your friends at C&L