After years of denying trying to replace white people, the soon-to-be-not-White House will drop the pretense today and announce new measures to hasten what the MAGA right refers to as the Great Replacement.
Pres. Joe Biden will announce sweeping immigration changes to end the fear of deportation for about half a million people here, and create pathways to citizenship so that immigrants can replace the suicidal white folk who have enacted decades of policies apparently intended at eliminating themselves, leaving Democrats no choice but to replace them.
Biden is expected (by me, facetiously) to explain that the Great Replacement has been made necessary due to a number of factors impairing the ability of Americans to replace themselves.
For decades, right-wing policies have made it more difficult to start a family, so fewer people have been doing it. Union-busting has depressed both wages and the people who like unions. Deregulation frees rich people to take money from non-rich people and to poison the environment in which kids are supposed to breathe, all of which make it tougher to make families.
And where economic policies aren’t sufficient to discourage American reproduction, right-wing policies have stepped up by killing people off literally. Starvation, malnutrition, denial of medical care, poor education, science denial, vaccine rejection, and guns have all contributed to a population gap and stalled life-expectancy.
In addition to the actual fatalities caused by right-wing, libertarian, anarchist, death-worshiping laws, America has also suffered the staggering loss of millions of fictional lives claimed by the Great Fictional Crime Waves that consume the nation any time a Democratic president takes the oath of office. The fictional bloodshed caused by Antifa and Black Lives Matter went unanswered by then-Pres. Donald Trump for some reason possibly related to its non-existence, and has gotten exponentially pretendily worse under the Biden crime cartel.
Because Democrats have embraced Republican economic theories that demand constant productivity growth, the bodies required to provide the labor that fuels that growth have to come from somewhere. Hence, the Great Replacement.
So, today Biden will announce several changes to ensure that the slavering beast we call Corporate America neveres go unfed. The changes largely apply to undocumented immigrants who have been here a long time and yet somehow don’t belong to violent drug gangs.
As many as half a million undocumented immigrants who’ve been here for at least ten years as of yesterday, and are married to U.S. citizens, will be able to apply for permanent residency, and then citizenship, and then will have to file appropriate federal forms to identify which specific white person they’d like to replace. A list of sad, self-obsessed white dudes ripe for replacement is already available on demand on right-wing media.
Biden will roll out the program at an event to celebrate the so-called DREAMers, people who were brought here as kids and granted protection from deportation under then-Pres. Barack Obama so that they could grow up without fear of exile and eventually take over as host of The Tucker Carlson Show.
Today’s Great Replacement measures will include facilitating work visas for DREAMers that offer them more protection against deportation than their current work permits do, especially given the legal challenges against those permits.
The Congressional Hispanic Caucus has been pushing Biden to protect undocumented spouses of citizens. Caucus Chair Rep. Nanette Barragán (D-CA) yesterday predicted today’s announcement would lead to “tears of joy paired with some sighs of relief.” That’s in addition to MAGA tears of sorrow paired with some sighs of hate-masturbation by sad white boys who not only make it hard generally to have kids, but make it impossible for women to want to procreate with them, specifically.
The new Biden policies will not oblige anyone to stop being pissed that he’s restricted access to asylum for people seeking asylum from the consequences of U.S. policy which makes it harder to have kids in their countries.
Republished with permission from The Fucking News.
