[Above, SNL mocks the 2016 Republican Debates. Good times!]
The ground rules for the GOP debate have been found out, and the middle school hall monitors at Tiger Beat on the Potomac (AKA Politico, thanks Charlie Pierce) email thingie are on it:
Host network Fox News yesterday gave the campaigns an outline of the two-hour event, which will be hosted by MARTHA MacCALLUM and BRET BAIER starting at 9 p.m.
The details … “There will be no opening statements.” … “Candidates will have 1 minute for answers; :30 for follow-ups; :45 for a closing statement.” … “Candidates can expect some questions to involve sound or video, including pre-taped questions submitted by students via partner YAF.”
And you can see right there if Lord Damp Nut Donald deigns to show up, the moderators are going to need a whip, a chair, and probably a pistol to keep TFG in his lane. They continue:
WaPo’s Michael Scherer got his hands on the text of the pledge, which reads: “I affirm that if I do not win the 2024 Republican nomination for President of the United States, I will honor the will of the primary voters and support the Republican presidential nominee in order to save our country and beat JOE BIDEN.” (Ramaswamy was the first to sign, Scherer reports.)
How the pledge will be enforced is another question, however. Trump foe Christie, for one, has indicated that he’d sign the pledge but treat it “as seriously as Donald Trump took it in 2016.” Will that fly with the RNC?
And what will they threaten any of them with if they break their pledge? They are not running if they lose the nomination, so losing support of the RNC seems… meaningless. And lest you forget, Christie is already on record saying that he would vote for the nominee, then saying he would vote for a third party or not at all, so you already know he ain’t gonna vote for a Democrat no matter what. Chris Christie is not a friend.
There’s no honor amongst thieves, and there’s no professional courtesy amongst the grunt of Republicans running in the 2024 Goat Rodeo.
Republished with permission from Mock Paper Scissors.
