Former President Donald Trump pleaded not guilty to a whopping 37 charges related to his alleged mishandling of classified documents. Just outside, a crowd gathered to support their hero; the man recently found liable for sexual abuse—the twice-indicted-twice-impeached one-term President. Fox News spoke with one of the pro-Trump protesters, who was wearing an "Ultra Extreme MAGA" t-shirt.

"The most innocent man that's ever been in the White House, Donald J. Trump," he told the reporter. "The best President we've ever had. 45 plus 47. He's coming back."

"This is the longest witch hunt going on in eight years now since he came down the escalator," he continued. "The guy's an American hero."

"Do you believe there's a two-tier system of justice?" the reporter asked. "Do you believe this is unfair?"

"Obviously," Mr. Ultra responded. "I don't even know how anybody can ask that with a straight face."

"There's obviously a two-tier justice system," he continued. "Why is the Clinton crime family running wild? Why is Beijing, Biden, and the money laundering operation that Hunter Biden started out of Ukraine?"

"He started that war on Ukraine five years ago when he was working for Burisma," he continued.

"Last question," the reporter said. "If Trump were to get reelected, should he consider a pardon for the Biden family?"

"Absolutely not. They're a crime family," the Trump boot-licker added. "You're either an American or a Democrat these days. There's no way to be both."

There is no evidence to back up anything that chud said. There is a two-tiered justice system, and we're paying attention to it right now as the former President gets treated with kid gloves after allegedly violating the Espionage Act.

And calling Trump "the most innocent man that's ever been in the White House" made me spit my dirty martini out through my nose. I'd say he owes me a drink, but I want to forget that people like him exist just for one night. Just one night. Do I sound bitter? I AM NOT BITTER, OK?!