Owen Jensen, of EWTN Global Catholic Network fixed his forced-birther mouth to ask President Biden's press secretary why Biden wasn't reaching out to "pro"-life Americans.

As alleged evidence to back up his nonsense, he cited that "much to the great disappointment of pro-life Americans, he has revoked the Mexico City policy, he has ordered the review of Title X, and issued a statement strongly supporting Roe v. Wade." This was all predicated on his whining about Biden's actions not reflecting his expressed goal of unity.

Let me demonstrate why I am not anyone's press secretary.

I would have said, "Listen you sanctimonious f*ckwad. Biden supports women, and if you and your ass-backwards *AIRQUOTES* religious *END AIRQUOTES* leaders understood jack sh*t about human sexuality and science, you would know that providing birth control and sex education to young people actually drives the rates of abortions DOWN, whereas banning abortion and access to birth control — especially at the same time, you unbelievable sack of solidified pus — drives abortion rates UP."

I would have been sitting NEXT to him at this point, jamming my finger into his sunken chest, saying, "Furthermore, the MAJORITY of Americans are in FAVOR of legal abortion and maintaining Roe v. Wade, including a majority of Catholics, so maybe just don't GET ONE if you don't WANT ONE."

Unsurprisingly, however, that is not what Jen Psaki said. She responded that Biden took those steps to protect women's health because they have long been things he'd promised to do on the campaign trail. She reassured, "the president will reach out to all Americans, and that is how he's going to govern, what he talked about in his inaugural address, and he has every intention on delivering on that promise."

She did not add, "Even though you forced-birth regressive misogynists can go jump into a volcano."

See, now, I would have added that.

Our Caveman-On-The-Scene wasn't satisfied with questioning the capacity of women for self-determination, however, and decided to insult the Constitution's explicit separation of Church and State. "You've described him as a devout Catholic. Will he use his faith to guide him in policy decision making?" Jensen smarmed.

Now, in case you still wonder why I am not a diplomat, *I* would have answered, "First of all, President Biden's religious feelings and practices are none of your goddamned business.

"Second of all, are you suggesting his religion, which is shared by only 20% of America's population, and whose ranks have been in steep decline over the last ten years, whose wealth outweigh its moral turpitude a thousand-fold — especially when it comes to supporting the victims of sexual abuse by members of its own clergy — should be imposed upon the other 80% of Americans who do not identify as Catholic, in the form of influencing his policy decisions as president of the United States? How would THAT help the unity you claim you desire?"

Here's what Jen Psaki (who is clearly much better at this than I would ever be...) answered: "He does attend church nearly every weekend. That's something that's important to him personally, and to his family, and he has talked about the impact of his faith on healing, and on everything that he has been through as a human being, so certainly it's a guide to him as a human being."

That's why she's in the White House and I am a blogger.