No, Donald, There Is No War On Thanksgiving

By Aliza Worthington — November 27, 2019

You know, it's hard to plan for a good war, these days. The date keeps changing. First, Alex Jones said the liberals were supposed to start a Second Civil War on July 4th, but that apparently got cancelled because you-know-who tried to put raisins in the potato salad, and everyone got pissed and went home. At least we have all the awesome tweets. We'll always have the tweets.

Then Fox News claims it WON the alleged War On Christmas, because you know now, finally, it's legal again to say the words "Merry Christmas." The phrase had been outlawed by Liberals who must pass laws about everything, via 28th Amendment to the Constitution and U.N. Resolution, but thanks to Jesse Watters and Fox News, the amendment was overturned, which everyone knows because stores have be putting up their Christmas displays earlier and earlier every year - this year as early as October.

Now, apparently, Fox says there is a War on Thanksgiving. This is exceedingly inconvenient because I have plans on Thanksgiving to visit family. I had no idea I needed to go fight a war about something. Being a liberal myself, I assume I need to go reduce a rich privileged white man's influence by a teensy tiny bit, like maybe by suggesting they shouldn't spread lies about Jews coming to kill Christians.

Too radical, you say? Well, what AM I supposed to go to war over, then? Maybe Twitter can help. Because for real, if I'm going to war on Thanksgiving, or going to HAVE a War on Thanksgiving, there needs to be a damn good reason.

“Some people don’t want us to call it Thanksgiving anymore.” - President Dumbshit, aka @realDonaldTrump, as he pulls a new #culturewar out of his hemorrhoidal ass. #WarOnThanksgiving #TrumpRally

— Matt Jimmy (@mboehning) November 27, 2019

I'd volunteer to serve in the #WarOnThanksgiving but I have wishbone spurs.

— Mrs. Betty Bowers (@BettyBowers) November 27, 2019

Dearest Martha,

I won the battle of Turkey Leg, but the mood turned sour once the biscuits ran low. Aunt Mabel wants to call it "Turkey Day," while most of us are fine calling it "Thanksgiving." Send PIE.

If you don't hear from me, I'm in a food coma. #WarOnThanksgiving

— BrooklynDad_Defiant! (@mmpadellan) November 27, 2019

I accidentally said "Happy Thanksgiving" in public and I was immediately seized by a gang of radical liberals. They waterboarded me with kombucha and repeatedly threatened to give me healthcare. I'm lucky to be alive. Stay safe out there, #MAGA. The #WarOnThanksgiving is real.

— Rob Sheridan (@rob_sheridan) November 27, 2019

#WarOnThanksgiving
We must protect our coasts pic.twitter.com/UW5ai4HJqX

— Vixen Cole (@Idaho_Vixen) November 27, 2019

You get the idea. And for an actual "war" on Thanksgiving us liberals can maybe get behind...

For a brief moment I wondered if Trump’s #WarOnThanksgiving was a reference to Native Americans working to decolonize history .... but then I remembered this was Trump talking.

— Christine Pelosi (@sfpelosi) November 27, 2019

So while we tweet this #WarOnThanksgiving remember that Trump has refused to free - or even vaccinate - refugee kids in cages, turned Native American Month into Founders month, and is cutting FOOD STAMPS for one million American children. #resist https://t.co/as0ODqUQD9

— Christine Pelosi (@sfpelosi) November 27, 2019

The fact is, some people (Indigenous peoples and Natives to this land would like a word...) actually have good reason not to consider this holiday one for celebration. If they, and those who care about them, their history, and feelings choose to shift the focus to the mourning and loss the holiday evokes for them, of course that is something Fox News and Republicans, led by the Orange Cockroach would mock. And if the GOP mocks it, that makes it legit for me. So, wishing all who celebrate, a peaceful and happy Thanksgiving, and those who observe the National Day Of Mourning love, healing, and the utmost respect. Tags: