So Donald Trump, aka Grandpa Crazypants, was supposed to give a speech today about a topic he loves - Tax Reform! His big, shiny, fabulous (aka, only) accomplishment since taking office 15 months ago. His staff drafted a lovely speech with small enough words for him to pronounce and enough spaces for him to ad-lib sufficiently. Great, right?

Nope. Trump couldn't even be constrained by that. So what did he do? He tore it up and ranted about...not taxes.

"You know, this was going to be my remarks. It would have taken about two minutes. The hell with it. [ applause ]

That would have been a little boring. Remember my opening remarks at Trump Tower when I opened, everybody said, oh, he was so tough. and I used the word rape. Women are raped at levels that nobody has ever seen before. They don't want to mention that. This is our country. If you have a baby on our land, congratulations. That baby is a United States citizen. We're the only one.

So, this guy, because he's here now, can get the mother and the father and the grandmother and the brothers and the sisters and the aunts and the uncles. There are many places in California, the same person votes many times. That's a conspiracy theory, not a conspiracy theory, folks. Millions and millions of people."

WHAT IS HE TALKING ABOUT?

Here is the "tearing" caught in an excellent photo sure to inspire many memes:

So the big question, as always, is this: Why does Donald Trump tell so many obvious lies? Donny Deutsch has some ideas, which he shares in this clip:

He's a sleazy salesman. Nailed it.