There were dog whistles and lies for everyone in what could be the next most cynical announcement speech after Ted Cruz. Welcome to Jeb! 2016.
Here were some of his most irritating moments.
"Glorified Tourist" Referring to President Obama's intentions to visit Havana: "We don't need a glorified tourist to go to Havana in support of a failed Cuba."
Yes, calling our current President a glorified tourist will feed GOP primary voters, but it won't do a damn thing for anyone else. So keep up that rhetoric, Mr. Bush. We will welcome our newly-elected Democratic President in 2016 with remarks like that.
"Inferior military" "This supposedly risk-averse administration is also running us straight in the direction of the greatest risk of all – military inferiority.
It will go on automatically until a president steps in to rebuild our armed forces and take care of our troops and our veterans."
Where have we heard this before? And by the way, Republicans have done a spectacularly terrible job of taking care of veterans and our troops during their reign in Washington, DC.
I'm old enough to remember when saying our military forces were inferior was grounds for being called a nasty traitor. That was during the Dubya Bush administration, of course.
"Executive orders" - Apparently just fine under the next President Bush. "What the IRS, EPA, and entire bureaucracy have done with overregulation, we can undo by act of Congress and order of the president."
Selective memory - "We are not going to clean up the mess in Washington by electing the people who either helped create it or have proven incapable of fixing it," says the man with the last name "Bush."
The closer is classic, too.
"In any language, my message will be an optimistic one because I am certain that we can make the decades just ahead the greatest time ever to be alive in this world," claims the man who just told his audience everything about this country sucks.
He also promised 4 percent growth and 19 million jobs under "free enterprise" policies, just like Scott Walker, Sam Brownback, Rick Scott, Pat McCrory and Rick Snyder did. But this Republican is telling the truth this time. Sure.
He didn't mention repealing the Affordable Care Act, however. So that's progress, I suppose.
Welcome to the Clown Car, Jeb!
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