Zombie Apocalypse Strikes World Cup

Suarez bites again. And it isn't funny. No, seriously, it's not. Stop laughing!
By Dr. Sammy — June 24, 2014

Serial biter Luis Suarez of Uruguay took a hunk out of Italian defender Giorgio Chiellini's shoulder in today's 1-0 win over the Azzurri. With FIFA certain to review the incident, it appears that Suarez may have bitten off more than he can chew.

Okay, okay - stop that. I know, there's a natural temptation to make sport of these kinds of events - even if they happened, which Suarez says they didn't, because, you know, stuff happens out there. But a lot of these folks cast decorum to the wind.

I get it. I do. You think it's funny. Even a seasoned commentator like me is tempted. You want to point to this:

Or this:

Or this:

But these sorts of sophomoric cheap shots are tasteless. Unlike Giorgio Chiellini.

It's also inappropriate to make fun of his appearance and use hashtags like #silenceofthedonkeys.

And it's certainly not helpful that a Swedish betting site was laying 174-1 odds on this very thing and that someone won.

This is the third time that Suarez has bitten an opponent in a game, and by now it's clear that he has a problem. Is this some form of OCD? Is he a cannibal? Is it a simple protein deficiency? Instead of mocking the man, we should exhibit a little more compassion. He needs professional help. Or jerky. But not a ban from the game, as so many are suggesting. An ESPN poll is asking how long he should be suspended - the rest of the tournament? A year? For life? How does that address the underlying cause of his behavior?

And this - absolutely uncalled for.

As was this:

Or this.

And if your mind went here, you're not only sick, you're old.

I'm appalled at all of you. So cut it out. No more jokes. No more wondering if Suarez had his rabies shots. No more asking if Uruguay's next opponent will be allowed to wear Wolfsbane. No more this:

Or this:

Or this:

And especially, no more "Suarez is fucking dental."

Here's hoping FIFA reacts with a little more humanity than you lot.

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