Bill Maher Contest Winners

By John Amato — April 2, 2006

View all the winners below the fold!

The submissions were overwhelming and very creative. A big thanks to Desi from Mia Culpa. She helped sort things out and believe me there were hundreds as you can imagine. I do know that the prizes are being shipped out now and if you see yourself as a winner and don't receive anything within the next two weeks-please contact me. Once again-great job people!

Update: I'll be on the Marc Maron Show around 10:45 PST tonight on Air America.

1) The Quail (An original poem by Edgar Allan Ferguson)

Out upon a plane in Texas
With pellets in his solar plexus
Lay a Pioneer whose name was Harry Whittington.
He did not fall there in a war,
but fell instead to the muzzle roar
of an Italian shotgun held in the hands of our Vice President.

"Oh, fie! I am undone!" he cried,
As a trauma team rushed to his side,
And the local police were locked outside
Until the smell of scotch had time to clear.
And somewhere in the naked city,
on a pallid bust of Gordon Liddy,
a tiny quail has perched and squeaks,
"Good night! The end is near!"

Quoth the quail, "The end is near!"

by David F.

Graphic by Matt T

Graphic by Aaron E

Graphic by MS

Graphic by Michael V

6) "Billion Dollar Cheney"

flash video to Alice Cooper's music.

by Jeannette C.

Grahic by Elana

8)Lyrics to "American Pie"

A long, long time ago...
I can still remember
How those Politicians used to make me smile.
And I knew if I had my way
That I could vote and it would pay
And, maybe, we’d all be happy for a while.

But Dick Cheney made me shiver
With every speech that he'd deliver.
Bad news on our doorstep;
I couldn’t take one more threat

I can’t remember if I cried
When I read about Iraq. They lied,
But someone revealed a spy inside
The day democracy died.

So bye-bye, miss American spy.
Sent my Heavy in with Cheney
So that Libby could lie.
And them good old boys were sayin we're gonna fry
Singin’, "this’ll be the day that I lie.
"this’ll be the day that I lie."

Did you vote for hawk or dove,
And do you have faith in Bush above,
If the Bible tells you so?
Do you believe in the Zogby Poll,
Can Bill Frist save your mortal soul,
And can you teach me how to think real slow?

Well, I know that you’re a Repulican
`cause I saw you lyin again and again
You all so hate to lose.

All those red states that once were blues.

He was a lonely teenage drinkin' Bush

With drinkin’ problem and a brain of mush
But his agenda he had to push
The day democracy died.

I started singin’,
"bye-bye, miss American Spy."
Sent my Heavy in with Cheney
So that Libby could lie
Them good old boys were sayin we're gonna fry
And singin’, "this’ll be the day that I lie.
"this’ll be the day that I lie."

Now for five years we’ve been on our own
the CIA covers – they’re all blown

But that’s not how it used to be.
When we said we have a threat
and asked our allies for some sweat
They said your word is good enough for me.

Oh, and while George Bush was looking down,
the World all though he was a clown
the torture it went on
and on and on and on
And while congress closed the parks
and dug for oil to pay the sharks
we weren’t allowed to make remarks
The day Democracy died.

We were singing,
"bye-bye, miss American Spy."
Sent my Heavy in with Cheney
So that Libby could lie
Them good old boys were sayin we're gonna fry
And singin’, "this’ll be the day that I lie.
"this’ll be the day that I lie."

Global warming, summer swelter.
We’re gonna need a fallout shelter,

Who knows what will hit us next

But I know we cannot go

Into the future without a show

Why can’t they leave me just so

Now the stagnant air it needs perfume
Or the lying will resume.
Oh, but we all got up to vote
But they had us all by the throat

They covered up for their mistakes
this government is full of snakes
Impeach them all for goodness sakes
The day Democracy died

So here we are all in one place,
A generation in disgrace
With no time left to start again.

So come on people don’t give in

Can’t you see the mess we’re in
Because we are all American

Oh, and as I watched Bush on the stage
My hands were clenched in fists of rage.
No angel born in hell
Could break that satan’s spell.
And as our soldiers die in our night
While politicians hide behind their plight
I saw satan laughing with delight
The day Democracy died

He was singing,
"bye-bye, miss American Spy."
Sent my Heavy in with Cheney
So that Libby could lie
Them good old boys were sayin we're gonna fry
And singin’, "this’ll be the day that I lie.
"this’ll be the day that I lie."

I met a man who made up news
He blamed it all upon those Jews,
But he just smiled and denied it anyway
I went down to Washington
a million people having fun
and asked to have my America back today

And in the schools our voters met,
A chance to change, or we’ll regret
But not a vote was spoken;
The machines all were broken.
And the three men I admire most:
Darwin, Stewart, American Idol’s host
They caught bird flu, and now they’re toast
The day Democracy died.

They were singing,
"bye-bye, miss American Spy."
Sent my Heavy in with Cheney
So that Libby could lie
Them good old boys were sayin we're gonna fry
And singin’, "this’ll be the day that I lie.
"this’ll be the day that I lie."

by Paul K

9) Driftglass

A collection of pics.

10)